Although Kathryn and Dave's adopted Korean children are only ages 5 and 3, Pearl and Marcus take time out from play to study the Korean language in a small class with children their age. This is just one step Kathryn and Dave are taking to ensure their children will actively learn about their Korean background, in order to provide them with connections that will last throughout their lives.

Kathryn says, "It is tough teaching such young kids, because they are just learning English, too. But, they are doing well remembering colors, songs, some foods, numbers, etc. They will have some knowledge of the language, which I think is a benefit."

Growing Trend Towards International Adoption
Recent statistics show that more parents are looking to international adoption to start their family. The number of internationally adopted children has climbed steadily, by almost 15 percent a year for five years. In the past year, more than 16,000 children were adopted internationally. Harlan S. Tenenbaum, managing director of the agency Adoption House, Inc., believes that this trend is due to factors such as the small number of healthy babies made available for adoption domestically each year, and a fear that birthparents will interfere with the new family.

That fear played a role in Kathryn’s and Dave’s decision to adopt internationally—they had heard horror stories about domestic adoptions, involving birth mothers wanting their child back. They also knew couples who had success with international adoption.

The Starting Point: WACAP
When Kathryn and Dave decided in 1996 to pursue international adoption, they knew that they would face issues of ethnicity and culture as their children grew. Fortunately, the adoption agency they worked with, the World Association of Children and Parents (WACAP), has offered continuous support in the form of information, training and resources ever since they first adopted Pearl in 1997. Kathryn and Dave turned back to WACAP to adopt their second child, Marcus, in 1999.

Mary Ann Curran, WACAP's Director of Social Services says, "Adoption is not a process that ends with the placement of a child. That's only the beginning. The child's history and heritage are gifts that he brings to his adopted family. It is up to the family to unwrap and appreciate those gifts throughout the child's life."

WACAP prepares families to take the opportunity to value their child's background as much as possible. For example, the agency requires prospective adoptive parents to attend four family education classes, including the Life Book class. In this class, parents are encouraged to create a Life Book instead of a Baby Book for their adopted children, as a way for parents to record their children's beginnings. A Life Book includes adoption and birth family information. Curran says that the Life Book "basically tells the story of the child's life before the adoption and the coming into the family." Kathryn made Life Books for both Pearl and Marcus, who enjoy looking at them.

Building an Adoptive Community
Kathryn and Dave are making efforts to ensure Pearl and Marcus maintain ties to their Korean heritage by building relationships with other families with children adopted from Korea and other Asian countries.

Kathryn says, "One of the most important things I have read about adopting internationally is to be sure we include Asians and, if possible, Koreans in our circle. That way, our kids will feel more attached and at least comfortable with their cultural ties as they grow older. I have read that many Korean adoptees that are now adults felt as though they were 'white' and belonged to the 'white culture' and then realized during their teenage years that they really were not. Our kids will have connections to the Korean-American community in Seattle."

On the first Wednesday of every month from 10:30 to noon, Kathryn's family participates in a Korea Playgroup she helped form. The playgroup includes about 15 families who regularly attend. The families also plan other gatherings, such as potlucks and trips to the zoo. "It is great to get together, because our kids will see other kids and families that look like them," says Kathryn.

Each year, Kathryn and Dave's family attends WACAP's Family Camp. Camp takes place during the first weekend of August in eastern Washington. Families participate in outdoors, educational and support activities. Kathryn says Family Camp is very important for Pearl and Marcus because "it is an experience where our family is 'normal,' since all families include adopted children."

The collaborative efforts of all the parents involved is what keeps the network of families engaged. Kathryn points out "many of these things were created by the parents. The parents have decided to try to incorporate other families like ours together and have also worked to include Koreans in their lives."

The Struggle to Stay Culturally Connected
One thing adoptive parents struggle with when they adopt a child internationally is the possibility that the child will not want to have anything to do with their birth country or culture.

Ada White, Director of Adoption Services at the Child Welfare League of America, has talked with many internationally adopted adults whose ethnic background is different from that of their adoptive families. She observes that many "want to be like the rest of their family; they want to fit in, and usually do not notice at first that they are different until another person brings it to their attention. Many go through a phase of denying their difference, then embrace it once they go off to college, again recognizing that they have a lot to learn about themselves to fit in to their original society."

To avoid having such realizations be painful for growing children, White believes it is very important for adoptive families to continually expose their adopted children to their birth culture, through everyday things like food and movies, as well as to build ties to similar adoptive families. She also thinks that taking a family trip to the child's birth country is an important step towards keeping the adopted child culturally connected.

So far, Pearl and Marcus have not resisted any of Kathryn and Dave's efforts to keep them connected to their Korean heritage. "Pearl and Marcus are still too young to 'fight' our interest in their birth culture. Our style of parenting is to let our kids lead us into what they want to do rather than fight a lot," says Kathryn.

White finds that "most, if not all, of the older Korean adoptees lose their original language, and have extreme difficulty re-learning it. Adoptive parents need to make a concerted effort to maintain the language for the child."

She continues, "My sense is that the children do not resist their original language—they forget it as soon as they learn their new language. They don't refuse to speak the original language—they just lose it—it appears to be erased. It is also not easy to re-learn."

Kathryn and Dave hope that their efforts to expose their children to the Korean language and create a community of adoptive families similar to their own will ensure that Pearl and Marcus will grow up comfortable with their heritage.

Both Kathryn and Dave would like Pearl and Marcus to continue learning about their cultural background, but Kathryn says, "If they decide in the future that they do not want to do so much cultural stuff, I'll say okay." She continues, "I'll probably never let them do no Korean cultural stuff though. I want them to feel comfortable with the fact that they were born into a different culture."

Kathryn hopes that once Pearl and Marcus become old enough, they can visit Korea as a family, through the WACAP-sponsored Korea Family Tour.

Kathryn says, "The ongoing multi-racial family issue is probably the biggest issue and it will take different forms as our children grow. It will probably never be completely tackled." Kathryn is enjoying the challenge, though. "My mom always said she enjoyed watching us grow up. I can relate to that statement. It is a lot of fun to watch our children grow up and learn," she says.

Resources:

• World Association for Children and Parents
• Joint Council on International Children’s Services
  

Talk Back

If you've got comments or questions about this story, we'd like to hear them. Send your response to Susan Phillips.

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Althea Izawa-Hayden is an intern at Connect for Kids.