Imagine walking through a department store and seeing these messages on T-shirts marketed to boys: "You play like a girl," or "If I let you score, will you go home?" Imagine you're the father of a teenage daughter, a daughter who has probably already come to you and asked, "Am I fat?" or "Am I ugly?" What would—indeed, what can—you do about it?

Joe Kelly, Executive Director of Dads and Daughters (DADs), took action. When he learned that Footlocker and J.C. Penney stores were carrying the Trash Talk line of T-shirts, which sported hostile slurs and sexual innuendo about girls, he and other fathers from across the country immediately circulated action alerts asking that people contact the stores. Within a week, J.C. Penney pulled them from their shelves, proving, Kelly says, that even small groups of people can make things happen.

And making things happen is what DADs, a national organization for fathers with daughters, is all about. DADs encourages fathers to use their influence to help their daughters develop healthy self-images that can withstand the assault of media messages and advertisements.

The troubling drop in girls' self-esteem and body image when they reach puberty has been much documented. A study published in the March 1999 edition of Pediatrics found that among 548 fifth—through twelfth—grade girls, 59 percent expressed dissatisfaction with body shape, and 66 percent said they wanted to lose weight. Of these girls, fewer than one-third were actually overweight. Clearly, body image is not linked to actual body health.

Advertising and media play a role in weakening girls' self-esteem. The Pediatrics study found that 69 percent of the girls reported that magazine pictures influence their idea of the perfect body shape, and 47 percent reported wanting to lose weight because of magazine pictures. Eating disorders are not the only consequence of negative self-image and low self-esteem. Teens with low self-image run a higher risk of pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse and other dangers like smoking.

Driving the Message Home
DADs was started in the spring of 1999 by Michael Kieschnick, a philanthropist, father and activist to fill a much needed void. Despite exhaustive efforts, Kieschnick could not find any groups offering support specifically to fathers of daughters—so he contacted fellow activist Joe Kelly and together they started DADs. The group's strategy is two-fold. DADs provides free curriculum as a road map to help men get involved in the community, and encourages fathers and families to engage in letter-writing, boycotting and other campaigns to bring a pro-girl message to the public.

"There are an infinite number of issues and we can't address them all. So this is the ground we've staked out. We dads got together and said, 'let's do something about it, something that is ours.'" Kelly says.

Joe Kelly knows the issue well; he and his wife Nancy Gruver created the award-winning New Moon magazine, written and edited by girls ages 8-14. It celebrates "how girls really are, not how they 'should be,'" Kelly says. A father of twins, Kelly is passionate about the subject.

"Talking to dads, I hear what I think of as the 'shotgun parable'"—fathers saying that when their daughters are old enough to date, they'll greet the boy out on the porch casually holding a shotgun. This, says Kelly, "tells the story that girls can't be trusted, that they are not savvy enough to protect themselves." And, he says, it betrays our prejudice against teenage boys, "that all they are looking for is one thing."

Although the fear fathers express may be justified, says Kelly, it is certainly misguided. "We should be afraid for our daughters. But the culprit is not the teenage boy coming to pick her up." The real source of our fear, he says, is our society. A society that sexualizes 9-year-olds, that values appearance over substance or self. Fathers of pubescent girls are "the most vulnerable, fearful and, therefore most open to hearing the messages of women's justice."

Making Room for Dads to Make a Difference
Using the Mothers Against Drunk Driving model, DADs members work to change the attitude of others—and society—by making the message personal. "Thanks to the work of MADD and other groups like it, we no longer turn a blind eye to the problem (and consequences) of drunk driving," says Kelly.

Just as irresponsible, Kelly argues, is much of our media's message to girls and women. "I want DADs to be part of a movement to make [these ads] socially unacceptable."

Kelly stresses that DADs is not just interested in "complaining about bad messages, but also supporting good ones"— like the networks that air women's sports events, for example. Further, it is not about censorship, but about encouraging responsibility in the market, influencing those entities that are "making money off our daughters' insecurity."

To build its membership and inspire fathers to action, DADs is working to change public perception about the role of fathers in the family. The goal is to make room for fathers as nurturers. Kelly's own choices reflect a growing number of other fathers who consider their role to be more than just that of provider. He and his wife decided that they would both stay home half time as the children were growing up. "We've made sacrifices as a family to be involved in our kids lives. We've lived in ratty places ... sometimes I felt like I wasn't a 'real man' because I wasn't making as much money or moving up the career ladder as quickly as other guys my age were. But when I think about the money I would have earned, it doesn't make a bit of difference," Kelly says. "What matters is the depth of the relationship and the breadth of experiences I've had with my daughters."

DADs has struck up contributing partnerships with Girls, Inc. and the National Organization of Women's National Love Your Body Day to help spread the word that fathers have a critical impact on their daughter's emotional health and development. This, DADs members know, will do more than just help daughters avoid life-threatening eating disorders.

"These issues and the horribly poisonous messages that are bombarding our daughters are bombarding our sons too, sending horrible messages to them [about girls and women]. It's not a zero sum game. By giving fathers tools to go and combat and change poisonous messages, we're helping everybody. "

To date, members of the group have appeared on 80 different radio talk shows, and have encountered virtually no resistance. "People get it," Kelly says. "People are responding."

Resources
The DADs site has a great Links and Resources section. For more information about girls and self-esteem, and the role fathers can play, check out these other excellent resources:

• New Moon (a magazine written by and for girls) and New Moon Network (for adults who care about children).
• Girls Inc. offers resources for girls and dads, including tips on parenting and ideas for ways to help inspire and empower girls.
• The Fatherhood Project, sponsored by the Families and Work Institute, works to strengthen support for children in fragile families by enhancing the involvement of fathers. Their site has some good general information and can help you get in touch with local organizations for fathers.

Caitlin Johnson is staff writer at Connect for Kids.