Monday
Sweetheart,
It's Claire's turn to bring snack to school today. There's celery in the 'fridge. Cut it up into two inch chunks, spread peanut butter on them and place five raisins on each. Wrap in cellophane (not a dry cleaners bag!) and be sure there are 24 plus one for her teacher, Ms. Goodesteem. Tidy the family room if you get a chance. Did you call the plumber yet?
I love you,
Allison

Honey,
That was okra, not celery. Claire saw me spreading Cheese Whiz on them and cried 20 minutes until I forked over 24 pieces of Halloween candy (who told the kids the candy was hidden in the vacuum bag?). By the time I untied your son's double knots with your graduation pen, the family room was a lost cause. Dinner is on time bake. I have Rotary tonight. Was the pen important?
Hugs and kisses,
Ken
Tuesday
Ken,
The toilet has been asking for the plumber. You forgot Alasdair's milk money again. He says he owes some fifth grader $3.25 plus interest for milk loans. I have a meeting tonight. The mess has spread to the dining room.
Love,
Allison

Allison,
I couldn't find Alasdair's lunchbox so I used your hat. Call the principal about the loan shark. Replaced your graduation pen—disregard the year. I think you took my car keys this morning� The taxi's here, got to go.
Sincerely,
Ken

Wednesday
Hey
Your keys were in the juice pitcher. The kids won't go to the bathroom—when's the plumber coming? I enjoyed our talk last night. We have to abandon the downstairs to the clutter and take refuge upstairs tonight. Dinner is on your son's top bunk.
Allison

Al,
We didn't have a conversation last night�our bed was full of kids; I slept with the dog. What's the plumber's phone number? Did you know Tuesday was class picture day, and your son wore his 'I'm with stupid' T-shirt...apparently he stood next to his teacher.
Ken

Thursday
The neighbor called�something about your son and some jumper cables. I said you'd stop by tonight and talk to them. I spoke with the principal, picture retakes are next Monday...I burned the shirt. We owe the principal $4.50 for loaning our son milk money, too.
A.

Yesterday was Alasdair's snack day, luckily, I had gum. I promise I'll call the plumber today.
K.

Friday
Wife,
I had a breakfast meeting this morning. I sand bagged the bathroom last night, call the National Guard if it crests. Any idea where the cat is?
Me

Husband,
Provisions are low and something is moving in the living room ... could be the cat. Order pizza and watch out for the waterfall on the stairs.
P.S. Bring your sleeping bag, we're in the attic divvying up the rest of the Halloween candy.

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Ken Swarner lives in the Pacific Northwest with his wife and two children. He invites your comments at noifs@aol.com.