The other day, a fat packet came in the mail, filled with a stack of essays from teenagers, and a cover letter from a teacher. "Last spring," she wrote, "I read with great interest your article entitled `Teens need parents more, not less.' "

In mid-June, she read the column to the students in her high school English classes. "I invited my students to write a response and suggested possible forms: letters to their own parents, letters to me (a parent of two budding adolescents), a letter to the parents of an acquaintance or friend, letters to themselves when they become parents, or letters to you in response to the article." She offered the essays for publication, but to protect privacy, she and her students asked not be named.

The column to which the teacher referred had told of a report by the Carnegie Council on Adolescent Development. The report said that teenagers from all economic backgrounds lament the lack of parental attention and guidance.

"Conventional wisdom holds that . . . parents should disengage or detach themselves in order to foster autonomy," according to Ruby Takanishi, director of the Carnegie's program on adolescence. The myth is "based on a previous generation of research on parent-adolescent relationships in troubled families."

Fifteen years of new research, focused on healthy families, concludes that warm and authoritative, but not authoritarian, parents can provide powerful protection against the risks of adolescence.

Proof of this was in the letters in the fat envelope.

Many of these teenagers feel their parents are doing a good job.

"Dear Mom and Dad," wrote one student, "I truly am amazed by both of you. You were married so young, and had my sister when you were just 18 and 19. After 22 years, you're still married and happy. You're always there to listen. And even though I don't sometimes like it, you do close supervision. Your supervision isn't the controlling type where I feel as though you don't trust me. Rather, it's the kind that makes me feel loved."

Another girl wrote: "Dear Mom, I will never forget all the long talks you would give me to make me feel better. You always cheered me up when Dad and I were in arguments. You helped me get all of my college letters out. I remember all of the times that I said `I am quitting.' You always gave me a reason to keep fighting. Mother, when I go away to college I will never forget all the talks we had, and the inspiration you've given to me. I love you with all my heart."

One teenager credited his mother with his self-esteem: "I like who I am today and it would be an injustice not to credit your patient parenting. Your decision to work out of a studio at home has made it clear to me that you place the well-being of your children above the well-being of your career. Sometimes I take for granted how accessible you make yourself to us. If life is the Grand Canyon, you've been the perfect tour guide."

Often, it was the small memories that stood out. "Dad, I'll never forget playing baseball with you in the front yard. `I can't do it.' I would say and you would simply answer, `Don't give up.' "

Mixed reviews
Some of the teens gave their parents mixed, but still admiring reviews.

"Thank you for giving me everything from my clothes to my life," one student wrote, "Thank you for giving me encouragement when I needed it most and thank you for telling me the things I need to work on."

He added this: "Dad, where have you been? What have you been doing? What is your new job like? It seems like I never get to see you anymore.

"I miss driving to church with you and sitting down at the dinner table. I miss those big hugs you gave me and when I used to lay on your bed and we just talked about the future. I want to see you more and spend more time with you. I thought that the trip we were taking was going to be just me and you and I got so excited because I want to spend more time with you. I want to know how you are doing and I want you to be there for me -- like Mom. I tell her everything and I want to tell you everything, too."

And to Mom, the teen wrote: "You are always there for me and I appreciate you. But I wish you wouldn't yell at me for the little things so much. You can't always blame it on PMS (I know we can talk things out later). Just because I tell you most things doesn't mean I will tell you everything. Don't expect too much."

Another student wrote: "I think that there has to be a happy medium somewhere between apathy and totalitarianism."

I was moved by many of these letters, by their honesty and openness.

Some letters were critical, some heartbreaking, but most emphasized the importance of their parents' ongoing involvement, and all of them expressed love. These are the kind of expressions that often go unsaid until it is too late.

In her note, the teacher did not tell me if her students had sent these essays to their parents. I hope they did.