Susan Phillips: In five years as editor of Connect for Kids, I’ve learned a lot about the policies and practice of foster care. I’ve read a lot of research about how children and youth who are in foster care do in school and life, about the promise and peril of promoting adoption as an alternative to long periods in care. But when I really want to know how foster care feels -- how young people who find themselves in “the system” experience court dates, placement changes, school, dating, the turbulence of adolescence and the pain of separation from their parents and siblings, one of the places I turn is to Represent! magazine, a Youth Communication publication written by teens who are experiencing all of this and more first-hand.

Their voices are unique, and they really have something to say about what is wrong and what is right with a system that currently is responsible for the lives, education and health of more than 500,000 children and youth.

We’re joined this afternoon by five of the magazine’s staffers, representing a wide range of experience with various aspects of the child welfare system – from living with relatives, to time in a residential treatment center, to adoption by a foster family. Thanks for joining us, Natasha, Jarel, Shannel, Miguel and Erica…and special thanks to their editor, Nora McCarthy, for helping to set up this great opportunity for our site visitors to chat directly with a different kind of foster care expert.

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Tonya Kahley, ePassport Ohio: I would like to know if foster youth are interested in having access to their own educational and medical information and in what format that would take.

Natasha: Being able to easily access your information would be great. Too often I'm given the runaround by my social worker and other people in my agency. And it always comes to the 11th or sometimes 12th hour before I get anything. I would like everything in monthly updates mailed to my house. Instead I get "I don't knows" and "ask laters." It sucks. It's good to know that somebody out there has the common sense to wonder if they should make it easier.

Miguel: In my opinion, yes, foster youth should have access to their entire records-educational, medical, mental health, etc. That way the youth knows exactly what's going on with the agency that's providing information to other orgs on that youth's behalf and to make sure the information is correct. I only read a little bit of my files, but there's all the incident reports, progress reports, and when I did, they either were off-base or sideways.

It did upset me when I read it, because I never realized what was being written down, usually with a negative spin. I have no problem admitting I have a mental illness, but if I do something and you spin it the wrong way, that makes me angry. It is overwhelming to look at. Better than having a staff pull out your file and sit back and let you read it with no feedback. Best if caseworker or someone the youth trusts would sit down and go over the file together. It helped me understand what was written and what people had seen. It helped. Whenever youth feels they're ready and staff feels the same way, youth should have access.

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Janai Lowenstein, Drain, Oregon: Would anyone be interested in being interviewed for GETTING READY, a foster teen newspaper published nationally with interviews of successful foster care individuals? Please contact me if you would like to be interviewed.
janai@cliving.org
Thanks so much!!!

Susan: We'd be happy to try and put you in touch with some people—I'll e-mail you after the chat.

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Michele: What do you suggest is the best approach for recruiting foster parents for emergency placements?

Natasha: It's hard to recruit foster parents because of the stigma surrounding foster care. Perhaps promoters should worry about finding ways to lift the stigma before looking for other ways to recruit.

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Judith Shoemaker, Arizona: I would like to know what are the things that foster parents, the schools and the case managers do that make you feel that you may not belong. In other words, what are the things that single you out as a foster child and possibly cause you some discomfort. Do you have any ideas for making that better?

Miguel: My foster mom made me feel very uncomfortable growing up because she was very abusive. I never felt like I was a normal kid and I always had problems identifying with others because of the situation at home.

Natasha: When I was younger in foster care, my foster mother had us eat off of different cups, forks, plates than the family. Very messed up, there must be something wrong with me. Social workers told me your mother's stupid or your mother's on drugs so you might have ADD. That's such BS. Foster children have just as many feelings as other kids. Eating off different plates and forks can mess up a kid, and so can telling them that their child might be messed up when she's doing well.

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Carleen, RI: What happens from the time a child is removed from their home and put into foster care. What is that process like?

Miguel: For me personally, I didn't know I was in care for 13 years, even though I was in care from age 3, and then when I went into a group home, from the hospital I was taken to Laight Street, a holding facility until they find a foster care agency to take me. i spent 10 days going from the holding site to another place doing nothing but talking and smoking cigarettes. None of the youth had any type of security, none of the staff helped us. It wasn't good. It could've been better.

Natasha: me coming into care was confusion, loudness, cops, a scene you might see on TV. the cops came and just took us. i knew right away what was happeneing. it was what i wanted. i wanted to get out of the house. she never fed us, we had no future. but i had no idea if it was permanent or we were just being held for a while. the police, hospitals to get checked, a place downtown to sleep, and foster homes the next night. it was so confusing.

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Donna, Florida: Have any of the foster youth been helped by programs when they approached the age of maturity?

Natasha: There's Independent Living (IL). I think the classes are uncoordinated, chaotic and plainly not worth going to. That's the main program by the foster care system given to help teens age out. No, I don't think it's helpful. A lot of stuff you have to learn on your own.

Miguel: We had IL courses and they helped me prepare for what I'd face when I left foster care. But I was not taking it seriously, and I didn't have someone or a program I trusted to help me out. I also got offered an extension on my placement so I could stay in foster care past 21 until I found supportive housing [for mentally ill adults] and I left anyway because I got assaulted in my group home. If I knew it was going to take from February until October to find housing, and I'd be homeless that whole time, I would have stayed. But me being naïve and being afraid since I was assaulted, I just left instead of waiting to see what happened. It almost cost me my life.

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John, Ypsilanti, Michigan: I am a new foster parent. What are the TOP THREE things that you think I should do/consider when a youth is placed in my home?

Jarel: 1) Make sure you recognize your foster child's needs, concerns and problems. treat them like they're important. 2) Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, not for the check, be dedicated to your child. 3) Treat your foster kid the way you would treat your birth child.

Eric: Basically, respect. Well, from my experience, don't curse or be threatening, stuff like that, or abusive. Give support and help them.

Jarel: Give them money. You don't need to give them a whole lot, but make sure they have spending money.

Miguel: For me, if you are going to be a very new foster parent just understand that the person moving into your home might have a different culture, do things differently. Don't ridicule that, disrespect it, or make fun of the kid. Understand that the youth might feel isolated or obligated to give something for anything they get, even food, because I'm pretty sure that they might have grown up like that. To this day, whenever I get something, I feel in debt. Let them know, "I'm your parent, life can be better than the way you had it before, you don't have to feel alone or just 'do you' to get by." They're not in debt to you, it's just part of being a parent.

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Beth Locker: I would love to hear anything the youth have to say regarding participation in court proceedings. Some specific thoughts: Were you allowed/required to attend court hearings? Do you think it is a good or bad idea for kids in foster care to be able to attend court? Why? Did you feel like your voice was heard when people were making decisions about your life? How?

Miguel: I was allowed, but I never went because I never met my law guardian and I just didn't know anything about my legal proceedings or what I had to do to return to my foster mom. My personal goal at the time was to go back to my foster mom, even though she was abusive. I didn't realize for a while that my behavior had nothing to do with me not be allowed to return to that home.

As to whether it's a good idea for foster youth to be in court, it depends on the youth, what the youth has been through, how they feel about going to court. It should be a child's decision. Not a staff or lawyer's decision, instead of them saying, "You don't need to go to court." It's the youth's life, so it should be their own option of whether to go back. Once they turn 21 they'll be on their own, so they should know. Youth should always have the option to go.

Natasha: Court is kind of a tough thing. Court appearances are very serious and inflexible, with no regards to prior plans like school or doctor's appointments. You have to be there. And when you're not you have all these people talking about you and deciding what's good for you without knowing who you are or what you really want. But sometimes even if you do miss that big test or appointment and do show up in court, it still seems as if people are carrying on as if your not there. I think kids should go but the courts should put more consideration on the schedule of the client. And actually listen. Because they never do (I know how cliché that sounds).

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Lisa J - Missouri: I'm a believer in letting our children know as much as possible about what is going on with their case plan. I never badmouth the parent, but do let them know what happened in court and team meetings. Does this help you deal with all the changes that have occurred during your foster care experience, or is it scarier to know what is going on? How much information do you want/need?

Natasha: I think that varies from person to person and their situation.

Jarel: My situation wasn't so bad, because I had my grandmother as my guardian. my birth parents were both crackheads, to be real. If I was going back to them, I wouldn't want to know everything because who would want to admit to themselves that their parents were crackheads? But with my grandmother, when i got removed from her house temporarily, I wanted to know why that was.

Natasha: It's kind of different for me. I would want to know everything was going on, and even if it was hard, I would feel better knowing what was happening.

Eric: My birth parents were smoking, drinking -- when they left the house, I didn't know where they were. But when I stopped having visits with them, I didn't know why that was and I wish I did.

Miguel: I wanted to know everything that was going on, because even now i don't know everything about my birth parents. I would like someone to explain to me how things were with my birth parents. Now I know too much about my foster parent, but with my birth parents, I'd like to know more even though it's bad stuff, just to clear the air.

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Janice Levy, author of "Finding The Right Spot: When Kids Can't Live With Their Parents": When I was writing my book, I spoke with foster mothers who were unsure of how to deal with a foster child's anger. The anger was sometimes misplaced -- directed at the foster parents, rather than the birth parents. Is it true for you, too?

Natasha: I believe that at times I have misplaced my anger because there was no fair and safe outlet. My therapy sessions were a joke, my school life was surreal and my "home" life was so fragile and feeble that I didn't want to risk disrupting it. So I took it out on myself, which is never healthy. In the end I had to learn what I was angry at and how to deal with it.

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Ana E. Castaneda: I myself am a former foster youth. I am 22-year-old a single mother. My question is: What is the one thing you wish an adult sat down with you and discussed? What would help you in your particular situations?? And if possible be specific.

Jarel: I wish they would have told me it wasn't my fault that i was in foster care, instead of just placing me in a stranger's home. It would have helped if they told me the reason.

Miguel: I wish that I would've been told by an adult that, like Jarel, there's nothing wrong with you, it's not your fault. I grew up with the opposite feedback: you're sick, you're crazy because of what you're doing, but i did those things because I had no way to express my anger. I've been taught that when I do something wrong or if I feel something wrong, I should hurt myself instead of hurting others. I wish someone taught me to express my anger, it's OK no matter how deep it goes.

I wish that someone sat down and said, "Your foster mother is crazy. it's not you. She's not perfect and neither are you, but there's no reason for her to do what she does to you. It's never ok to be treated like crap." I wish someone asked me what was wrong?

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Arleen N. Peterson, Voices for Illinois Children: Are there ways you can think of to improve the way foster care is thought of by society/public in general? What can communities do to help foster children? Foster parents?

Natasha: I guess showing people that teens and other children in foster aren't demented, angry bags of wrath - "damaged goods," as they say. I mean too often when I tell people that I'm in foster care I get the awwweee, you must have had a hard life. I have, but I beneath the sympathy I hear the whispers and feel the stares. Not too many outlets are out there for foster youth to connect with a community that knows their situation because of the stigma.

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Arletta Shenfeld, The Second Mile (Camp Hill, Pennsylvania): Was (is) there one person who has helped you understand what was happening and helped you not lose faith in finding a resolution to your circumstances?

Miguel: It was somebody I was very close to a woman named Vivian who helped me understand certain things I never knew before and realize that I don't need to walk around with so much anger and that I can let it out safely. She taught me there's a better life than the way I was living, and I always appreciated that. She talked to me, gave me advice, provided support, and helped out whenever she could. She went the extra mile and I just wish I could tell her thank you.

Jarel: I would have to say that I had my grandmother and a lover. My lover used to pick me up every day after school and tell me 'it's not your fault.' I was real rebellious and wanted to do all these bad things. But he used to tell me that if i did bad things he wouldn't come to get me. He was my stepping stone. He provided financially, emotionally, physically. he was my guardian angel. He was a good person so it didn't matter that I was 14 and he was 25.

My grandma helped me after I left the foster home, because she encouraged me. Now she encourages me to continue working and going to school.

Eric: First, my birth mother, Sharon, because she made me to be a unique person-- healthy, smart and to be the best I can be. She was very supportive and nice. I'm just trying to get over her death. I'm stuck at the moment.

Lorine, my adoptive mom, even though she can be a nag at times, she taught me everything about life-- like be careful who you hang out with, not everybody is your friend.

Natasha: The best person that helped me out and is still helping is my editor. She's the first the person I ever really trusted, and it kind of helped set me up with future relationships, like therapy, and being open and honest. She was the first person to say it's ok to be yourself, it's ok to be angry.

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Brandy Darling: Thank you for hosting this event today - I have a question for older foster youth who may be participating in this discussion - Are they aware of any resources or skills that they are lacking that could be provided by the system or system partners in order to make a more successful transition to adulthood?

Natasha: education. It's really hard when you're going through all your stuff to keep focused. I need someone to keep focused. I won't get a diploma if someone doesn't help me out. I need a tutor, and the agency actually has that, but the tutor can't come unless the foster parent is there. I really need a tutor despite the rules.

Jarel: Housing. I'm not in the situation, but a lot of my friends who are in the system and about to age out, get a voucher for Section 8 (subsidized housing) but it's so hard to get a Section 8 voucher and they need some other type of housing.

Miguel: I recently just acquired my own apartment after being homeless for four months, my transition to adulthood was very tumultuous to say the least. it was the worst rollercoaster experience I ever had in my life. I just wish that the housing for youth, especially those with mental illness, were more prepared. The options here suck, and so does the process. And instead of starting to find housing three months prior to discharge, they need to get smart and start doing it a year beforehand. Trust me, finding housing for mentally ill youth is very difficult.

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Justine Ferrer, New York: In your opinion, what can foster parents do to advocate for some positive changes with the system and process?

Susan: I think foster parents can be great advocates, because, like our experts today, they have an inside view. But while advocacy requires passion, too much emotion can get in the way, and that can be hard. I would suggest working through some of the established advocacy groups -- like the National Foster Parent Association—to avoid coming across as "too involved," which some foster parents tell me is they way they are regarded by social workers and others when they try to make the case for change.

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Terry Haven, Utah: What is the one thing you wish you knew before aging out of the foster care system? In other words, what were you not prepared for?

Miguel: I just wish i was better prepared. Instead of going from a group home to being homeless and living in a shelter for over a year. It was difficult, frustrating, annoying. They should have told me to try to cut back on drugs, try to stop cutting myself. Well, they didn't tell it to me in a nice way and I wish they did -- instead of saying, "Stop being a freaking pothead." I needed to be told that doing these things would have hindered me from finding housing.

Eric: The whole struggle of school. If I graduated out of high school already, I'd be moving forward in life, but since i'm struggling, it's hard for me to go to the next step. My adoptive mother tells me, "You're not independent because you don't do nothing in school."

Jarel: I wish they'd prepared me much better as far as leading me on the right track. Like, if you do this, this is the consequence. I thought the system would always bail me out of trouble, but when you turn 18, it's all on you.

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Jacqui, Malta: Would you prefer to be fostered and keep in contact with your birth families or would you prefer to be adopted?

Susan: I would like to follow that question up with another, which is: Does Jacqui's question reflect the way adoption vs. remaining in foster care has been presented to you, or the way you think about it? Or is there a sense that adoption doesn't necessarily mean the end of contact with your families of origin?

Jarel: Her question doesn't represent the way that adoption vs. remaining in foster care was presented to me. The way that is was presented to me was that once you are adopted, there is no agency to deal with - so in that case if you and your adoption parents work out something where you can keep some kind of contact with your birth parents, there is nothing that can stop that or question that motivation.

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Justine Ferrer, Rockland County New York: It might also be interesting for you to interview foster parents of teenage foster children. Many foster parents are apprehensive about taking teens in and prefer younger kids. I'd be willing to include me thoughts and perspective.

Susan: You're right, Justine. There is a lot of apprehension, yet it can also be so rewarding to help a teen. That might make a good Talktime topic for us later on.

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Shannon, Little Rock: What are some of the legal barriers you face once you are ready to exit the foster care system? Do youth in foster care typically have lawyers or other legal advocates?

Natasha: I know a girl who is getting ready to age out and still doesn't have her green card. She has a 10-month old child and can't get work or housing without a green card, and she's been seeing a lawyer about this for 2 years and still hasn't gotten it. Also, without a green card, she's not able to get any financial aid so she can't go to college or go to a ged prep program or vocational school until she gets one.

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Janis, Virginia: I am responding to Miguel and Natasha's descriptions of hurtful behaviors by foster parents. Some foster parents are great, some are not. Since all are supposed to be screened and evaluated, would it make sense, in your opinion, to invite former foster children to provide their own perspectives on their foster parents for future reference?

Susan: I think children in foster care should be asked to evaluate their foster parents after they reach a certain age—sort of the way instructors are evaluated by their students at many colleges. It could be an anonymous process, so the children wouldn't need to feel anxious about upsetting their caregivers.

I think children in care get evaluated a lot, and should have a chance to do the same.

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Janis, Virginia: A lot of people would like to help foster children and youth in their communities, but don't know how to get started. I know there is a great need for more adults to become foster paretns. Are there other things a person can do to help?

Jarel: I think people can go to different foster care agencies and meet teens in foster care, especially people who run companies and can talk to them about jobs, so teens know that they can make it in this world.

Natasha: young people in care have a lot of trouble with education, so someone could volunteer as a tutor, though it can be hard to work with a frustrated young person.

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Maggie Osborn, Tampa, FL: What are the biggest challenges you face as you age out of the support systems and what continued support do you need the most? Is it housing, medical insurance, additional educational support or counseling?

Jarel: Education and housing—I know my friends need help with college and housing. They want to go away, but they are scared that if they go away, no one will help them pay for food or go out. They're real scared they'll have no help at all with college.

Also, so many people need housing. The section 8 waiting list is like from here to Georgia. It's such a major concern for so many youth.

Miguel: The two things I need are medical insurance and cousneling. With counseling, I'd be able to express my anger in a safe way. In the last month, I've been able to improve because I have a little more family support. My brother makes me feel comfortable because I can just go and see him because he recently moved back to the city. But with therapy, I think I'll improve even more.

Eric: Education, you can't be nobody without an education. But school's not for everybody.

Jarel: I need a mentor. You need someone to guide you. This world is lonely by itself.

Natasha: I'm adopted, so I won't age out, and I have a template of what I've seen my brothers and sisters do. They all graduated from college, built houses, and earn money. I think I can become one of them. But to go to college, I need financial aid because my mom has already said she won't support me financially. I'll need medical insurance. I think I can always find a counselor as long as I have that.

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Sarah Taylor, Eckerd Youth Alternatives, Florida: What are some of the things that have helped you be successful in (and Miguel aging out of) the foster care system?

Jarel: I would have to say my agency had an education specialist, and she pushed me. She got me my first job ever as an administrative assistant. she helped me write my resume, helped me with college, everything.

Natasha: working at Represent and Voices of Youth has been good. It helped me build up my resume, and it helped me with my people skills. it helped me say to myself, "You're being invasive. You're making people uncomfortable." I learned about myself, and my social skills.

Miguel: With me personally, like Natasha said, working with VOY and Represent, and another place called Radio Rookies helped me see what potential I have. I learned I have people skills, and can use my good qualities to attract people to me, instead of attracting people to my negativity, like I used to.

Eric: Basically, just getting into a good school and meeting friends, getting along with them. my poetry has helped me. In school, I attended a lot of English classes, and I've been inspired by spoken word poets and rappers, and i have a passion for writing and creativity. I taught myself how to draw -- no one taught me to color or shade, I was self-taught. I challenge myself and took the initiative. Interning at Represent has helped me to become a better poet and increased my vocabulary, my writing skills, my communication. I just hope i get a job that deals with creativity and writing. I want to be a book publisher, and I'm working with a friend on a book of poetry.

Jarel: Programs for teens and different IL programs my agency had.

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Joyce: Do you think it is necessary to explain to children why they are in foster care? I have a 9-year-old boy and his 4-year-old sister, both of which don't seem to understand why they are in our home. They love their parents and want to go back home, but I wonder if they should know what it was that got them removed in the first place so they can then understand why they live with us and not their parents.

Jarel: Yes, it is very necessary to explain to kids why they are in care because if you don't, they will feel like they did something bad or they are being punished. Also, I think it will help their relationship with their foster parents if they are the ones that explain why they can't be with their parents.

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Alice Burba, Arizona: I am impressed with how articulate you all are! What do you think has given you the confidence to participate in something like today's chat?

Natasha: That's so nice!

Miguel: I started being a people person at 19 or 20 because when I started coming here I was kind of shy walking up to people. Now i have no shame walking up and saying hi or saying my piece.

Natasha: I agree. When you feel more comfortable with yourself you feel more comfortable talking with the people around you. Represent helped me be more confident. Another thing is books. I read a lot of books, and the vocabulary has stuck with me.

Eric: I agree with Natasha. It's helped me be more outgoing and more social. It's also helped me tell others who are curious about my sexuality that I'm gay and I don't need to hide it -- helped me be courageous.

Jarel: I got it from my family. My family is a very outspoken family. We are all aggressive people. We are real. We come up and tell you in a minute, "I don't like that." I got it from my own family. I wasn't shy or anything. And Mary J. Blige—that's my girl.

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Carleen, RI: Have you ever had to testify in court against your parents?

Natasha: I did, it wasn't court, but a planning meeting, and out of nowhere, someone directly said, "Do you want to go home?" My mother was right there. I was like, "Can you not ask me that?" They said, "I have to." I said, "It's not important how I feel." They said, "It is." I said to myself, I have to tell the truth. And outloud, "I don't want to go home." My mom started crying. She was really sad. I don't like that type of situation, being pitted against your parent, and I resented them putting me in that situation.

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Amy Griffin, Panama City, Florida: Would you say that it is better for adoptive parents to foster first?

Jarel: Yes, it would build your relationship before they actually become your parent. Y'all both can get used to the situation before it's permanent. It's a testing period.

Natasha: That's what my mom did. It wasn't planned that I'd get adopted, but I was like, "I've been here six months. Adopt me!" They said, "Ok."

Eric: Well, Lorine was first my foster mother and then later adopted me. She had a lot of love and loved me dearly. and I think that was the right way to go. Love, that's what she had, and we became a family. I got adopted in ninth grade.

Natasha: me, too! at the end of ninth grade.

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Tina Gray, WV Youth Services Policy Writer: Hello, It is wonderful to see success stories from the "honored guests" appearing today. My name is Tina Gray and I write Youth Services Policy for the State of West Virginia. I wanted to ask if you felt if one of your social workers failed you in some way and how could they have done a better job for you?

Natasha: Yeah, i think they have. My sister was adopted three years ago and a year ago she was unadopted. I asked my social worker, "do you know where my sister is?" She goes, "I don't know" in an uncaring manner. I was like, she doesn't give a damn about her job, and i think you should be careful who you pick to do the job. This is someone's life you're messing with.

Jarel: all of my three or four social workers, they all failed me, because when I asked a question, they acted like they forgot or acted nonchalant, like my questions were not important. They failed me with schooling. They wanted to put me in a zoned school, which are bad, rather than let me go to a better school. And when I went to a foster home, my brother stayed with my grandma, and I never understood that and my social worker didn't explain.

Natasha: one of my social workers, when I was getting removed from one home, they put me in a home for the usmmer only but I didn't know that and I got attached. then one day they said, "your foster mom is going on vacation, you have to come with me." Then at the agency, they told me you've been removed from that home. you have to go where your siblings are. I didn't want that. I wanted the good home. They said, just stay for two weeks and we'll see how it goes. but that was a lie, too. It's a terrible feeling, I trusted them, and they just told me that to get me off their back. i don't like being lied to.

Miguel: My social worker never found me a place to live when I left care. I felt like a failure, but if they'd started looking for supportive housing sooner, I probably wouldn't have had to be homeless and in and out of the hospital for a year. yeah, my social worker did let me down big time.

give more support, listen. I understand your caseload is humongous, but do a better effort to meet their needs. be more prepared. it's a heavy job, but don't take it if you can't do it.

Jarel: be more understanding, more supportive.

Eric: Don't pretend you care when you don't inside, and don't be nonchalant. just listen.

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Susan: Well, unfortunately, our time is up. Great questions and thoughtful answers, thank you everyone. The transcript will remain available.