Women have a lot to celebrate this Labor Day. We have come a long way as far as equal pay for equal work goes—at least in the traditional "man's world," the paid labor force.

But these gains have come at a great price—the price of defining the work of caring for children and families, traditional "women's work," as no work at all. When mothers do the job of feeding, cleaning, carrying, teaching, listening to and comforting their children, we expect them to do it out of love alone. When it is someone else's job to care for children, we pay them less than parking lot attendants.

A Right to Parent?
I think we can truly celebrate economic equality of opportunity when we match the right to work in the workplace with a right to spend time working at home raising our families. And when those who care for and teach the next generation are paid wages worthy of their work.

Our rhetoric says we value children and we value parenting, but as a society we do not put our money where our mouth is. We have no public way to pay for parenting work, and we pay poverty wages for professionals when they care for children.

Only if you are a young mother with resources—be it a partner's income, a good inheritance or highly marketable skills—do you have reasonable choices for balancing the demands of a job and the needs of your family, such as postponing work, working part-time or arranging flexible hours.

Parenting While Poor
If you are poor, you have few viable options for balancing parenting and a job. If you are a low-wage earner, you must work as many hours as it takes (and it takes plenty) to make a family income, or risk depriving your child of shelter, food or clean clothes.

If you are on welfare, work—not parenting—comes first. Our new public welfare policies say only work outside the home counts because it is presumed that only a job builds character. For many women dependent on public benefits, we've turned the right to work into an obligation. If you try to shift the balance from work first to caring for your family—a young child, a disabled relative, a troubled teenager—you will suffer on your own.

We are all used to the idea that a person should be paid for their work outside the home, but the idea of paying for the work of parenting may strike many people as radical. But it is not at all radical in the eyes of a child. There is no question that from a baby or toddler's point of view, "mommy" (or "daddy") is the center of the universe. Besides, many industrialized countries have given high priority to public policies that help families finance family needs, from a children's allowance to subsidized quality child care.

Children's Needs
While the norms about a woman's place have changed, children's needs have stayed pretty much the same. Most people—experts and parents alike—agree that good parenting requires time. Infants still need to be fed every few hours. They still need to be changed and bathed and cuddled. Toddlers still need help from the people they love to learn to walk and talk, to learn self-control, to learn how to learn.

Money can't buy love, but it sure can buy time—time to read a bedtime story, time to fix a sit-down meal, time to teach a three-year-old how to draw a circle. It is the children who miss out when mothering is squeezed in between shifts, and when caregiving is provided on the cheap.

Ideas for Change
If we were to give "women's work" its due, we would all pay for its value, since we all benefit from generations of children who are healthy and eager to learn. We would support better choices—family-friendly policies that give mothers better, more flexible options for balancing work and family especially during that fleeting period when their children are small.

We would make sure that child care serves more than the needs of the worker—that it meets the developmental needs of young children, with professional caregivers paid quality wages to make quality child care an option for parents. We would support good preschool programs available to all families.

And we would find a way to help mothers buy time to spend with their kids when they need it the most—a generous (and fully refundable) child tax credit, a social security equity loan, paid family leave, or a children's allowance. Any or all of the above could help restore the balance between work and family in our nation, just as each family struggles to find the right balance in their own lives.

For more information on strategies to help parents balance work and family:

• Children's Defense Fund's "Every Child Deserves a Fair Start" has information on the fully refundable child tax credit.
• Parentsunite.org provides information on potential of Social Security equity loans. For more information, contact Peggy Shiller.
• The National Partnership for Women and Families discusses paid family leave in Campaign for Family Leave Benefits.
• The idea of a children's allowance has received support from across the political spectrum—from President George H.W. Bush (see "Kids as Capital" in Atlantic Online) to the Welfare Reform Network.

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