As I look back on the past four years of high school, I think of all my firsts: my first punch, my first puff, my first drink and the first girl I ever got with -- at 2 a.m. in the woods, on a dirty, graffiti-drenched bench. Having all these things happen to me was great. But I think all these "firsts" caught up with me in the end. I found out halfway through my senior year that I wasn't going to graduate.

At Skyline, my first high school, all I did was burn and run around the halls drawing on lockers with my friends. I didn't go to class and didn't do homework. I just did what I wanted to do. The same thing happened when I transferred to FarWest School of the Arts. After about a month, I pretty much stopped going altogether. I thought about doing what I was supposed to do, but said, "F--- it! It's just ninth grade, it won't matter." HAH! I'd punch myself in the face now for saying that. Ninth grade really DID matter, and now my punk-ass ninth-grade self is coming back to bite me in the ass.

Now I don't want to shift the blame here. I know all of this was ultimately my own fault. But shouldn't the school have noticed? Shouldn't they have done something about this student who was quite obviously failing his ninth grade year? I used to think about this when I would be riding the bus home after second period. Does the school even KNOW that I cut out? Do they care? I knew that I would keep on doing what I was doing until somebody stepped in and stopped me.

I learned some English and a little math, but the thing I learned best was how to disappear. No, not in a cool way like a ninja. I learned how to make myself invisible from the system. At Skyline, I learned how to cut class. I learned how to lie about my identity, so as not to get calls home. On the off chance the school found my info, I learned how to block the school's number from my house phone. I learned not to shave -- the older you look, the less likely you are to be hassled about not being in school. I learned how to not care about anything, even about getting in trouble.

After FarWest, I started at MetWest School in 2004 on a pretty good leg. I was going every day and not skipping class. Hell, at MetWest it's pretty difficult to skip class without the staff knowing. The work is all project-based and we get credit for work we do at internships two days a week.

But even at MetWest, my old ways were hard to shed. My first internship was at KDOL-TV -- the school district's run-down television station. I was supposed to be at KDOL every Tuesday and Thursday. I went for about two months and then just stopped going altogether. Instead, I would be home sleeping or getting blazed somewhere in the Oakland hills.

When they found out, I had a meeting with the principal. I was told that I made the entire school look bad because I had broken their system.

WHOA! Never before had any school cared so much about why I had cut class. Instead of giving me the boot we decided that KDOL wasn't the place for me, and I looked for another internship. The point was that the school did care where I was and what I was doing.

Things went well after that. I actually started going to school and to my internship at YO! Youth Outlook every day. I don't really know what changed me, but getting caught and confronted about my actions for the first time ever was pretty new. The school was also real small back then, no more than 50 kids. Knowing the teachers, the staff and the students really made a difference. YO! also had young people people I could relate to, and I discovered that I have a pretty good talent for writing.

But then, three days before Christmas break, I had a meeting with my mom and some staff from MetWest. They dropped the bomb: "Nick, you are missing 107 credits and there is no way you are going to graduate." I could feel my eyes tearing up just like when I was 10 and I got in trouble for some stupid little kid thing. Not graduating from the school I've been at for the past three years? Weak. "Well, I'm REAL motivated now," I wanted to say.

So instead of a high school diploma from MetWest, I took the CHSPE (California High School Proficiency Exam) on March 18, which is just another version of the GED. For the last month, I spent most of my time studying for the exam, and paid $100 to register for the test.

Not graduating from MetWest is a really sad thing to me. I honestly never thought I'd care so much about school. I have put in lots of hard work over the past three years and I feel like I deserve a diploma. If I can find anything positive about all this, it would be that I got a reality check. I feel more motivated and excited to go to college than I ever have.

So to all the kids just getting into high school, I gotta say this: Every year is important, EVEN NINTH GRADE! I excelled from 10th to 12th grade, but look what happened. Just stay sane, kids. Just stay above it, no need to get blazed every day at school—study hard and you can play more later.

YO! Youth Outlook is an award-winning literary journal of youth life in the Bay Area. YO! is the communication outlet for youth who feel their voice and visions need to be seen and heard. YO! is a bridge to the world of youth expression.