Today’s dads are not likely to be asked the question I was asked 40 years ago when I brought my 1-year-old daughter to the local playground in my New York City neighborhood: “Are you babysitting today?” Today’s dads are dramatically more present in playgrounds, in pre-natal and parenting classes, at school conferences and events, at library story hours, as well as pushing strollers and carrying their infants in baby carriers.

Although we are not yet at the point where we can officially expand the adage to “as American as Motherhood, Fatherhood, and Apple Pie,” we are getting a lot closer. We are in the throes of a social revolution that holds exceptional promise for children and families, one that is redefining what it means to be “masculine"—revisiting silently accepted stereotypes and traditions restricting fathers’ roles to “breadwinner” and “disciplinarian.” It has expanded the roles of fathers to include “nurturer” and “work-at-home dad,” causing reverberations in family dynamics and the broader culture.

I propose naming this revolution the daddying movement. I coined the term daddying more than a decade ago to describe the active, involved exuberance of my parenting, and the parenting of other men I knew. “Fatherhood” seemed passive and dull, flat and one-dimensional; its gerund, “fathering,” suggested a one-time biological act, requiring no greater commitment than a bit of DNA. “Daddying” conveyed the sense of the lifelong process that I relished as I embraced my responsibilities for my children’s well-being: physical, emotional, social, intellectual, creative, moral and spiritual. Becoming a parent changes one’s identity instantly and forever. This new word not only captures that fundamental change, but also embodies the realization that fathers matter—in their presence as well as their absence.

But despite this greater involvement and shift in the paternal parenting landscape, we still tend to refer to dads who are involved and nurturing parents as “Mr. Mom.” Labeling a dad’s nurturing parenting as maternal or feminine betrays an underlying sense that when men are nurturing, they are somehow not being manly. Why do we still refer to “maternal instinct” yet question the existence of “paternal instinct”? Without minimizing the validity and unique gender-related qualities of each of these instincts, we might want to consider dropping the qualifier and referring to this behavior broadly as parents’ “nurturing instincts.”

Without fanfare, the daddying movement has built over the past 40 years to a sustainable crescendo, one newborn and one dad at a time. It has sparked broader debate and understanding about what it means to be a man. This in turn has increased the options for men, especially in relation to their children and families.

Fathers have taken on increased parenting responsibilities, and an increasingly diverse number of national fatherhood organizations and community-based groups have formed. More men are seizing the life-altering potential of parenting, discovering that it provides a rare opportunity to think about what is really important; fathers are discovering that they nourish themselves by nurturing their children.

Moving Forward
The daddying movement is incomplete and still evolving. Just as women are still battling to break through lingering glass ceilings in the office, men are battling to break through glass ceilings at home. The momentum is likely to increase as a new generation of boys grows up in homes where more fathers are daddying and where there are more male role models demonstrating an expanded view of masculinity.

Here are some ways we will be able to observe and measure continuing progress:

• When we routinely refer to “nurturing instinct” as opposed to “maternal instinct.”
  
• When fewer mothers serve as gatekeepers to father involvement.
  
• When the term “Mr. Mom” disappears from use so that men who are nurturing, sensitive, and tender with their children are not labeled “maternal” or “feminine.”
  
• When written father-friendly corporate policies are more widely reflected in corporate cultures.
  
• When there is greater overall gender equality.
  
• When fathers no longer believe they look odd being nurturing, carrying out parenting roles and responsibilities traditionally associated with mothers.
  
• When more grandfathers embrace nurturing roles.
  
• When media portrayals of men as nurturers become more mainstream.
  
• When there is less suspicion aroused when men are alone with children.
  
• When the initial 50 percent contribution that men make to create their children continues at close to that percentage of parental involvement as the child matures.

If we embrace the daddying movement, it can encourage us to reexamine what it means to be human in a world spinning faster and less steadily on its axis. Much as this generation of young adults and children can barely imagine a time when women’s opportunities were dramatically more limited, perhaps coming generations will take a historic look backward at men’s place in our culture and wonder why it took us so long to bring all hands—and hearts—on deck for the collective good of children, families, and all humankind.

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