Sergeant Roberta Martinez, 27, is a communications
support specialist with a U.S. Army police battalion
stationed in the Iraq countryside. She’s helping
the country recover from the aftershocks of war. She
takes part in dangerous humanitarian missions. She
sees explosive devices placed on the side of the road,
meant to kill her. And she’s the mother of two
young kids.
Martinez began her service in January 1995, soon
after graduating from high school. Throughout the
late 1990s, her military experience was exciting:
she met her husband, Juan, started a family, and served
her country both stateside and in Germany and Italy.
In the months leading up to her deployment date on
March 18, 2003, the Martinez family had some difficult
decisions to make involving their children Angel,
now 7, and Alexi, now 2. Juan Martinez was no longer
in the military, but for financial reasons accepted
a job in Washington state, nearly two thousand miles
from the Fort Polk, Louisiana military base where
Roberta was stationed. Roberta’s parents, Alicia
and Robert Trahan, were able to step in—Angel and Alexi now live with them in Lafayette, two hours
from Fort Polk.
Even though Martinez faces life-and-death situations
every day, her kids remain at the top of her list
of concerns. She’s able to make a few personal
calls each week to check up on the kids, her parents
and her husband. As she finished her first full year
of service in Iraq, she dialed up Connect for Kids
to share her feelings.
Was it a difficult decision
for you and Juan to have kids while serving in the
military?
We had Angel when we were stationed at Fort Polk,
LA in 1996. We were both active duty when we had Angel.
I was in a pretty stable unit, so I knew that it wouldn’t
be a problem for me. I went through the whole pregnancy
and then had a six-week break after he was born. Then,
Angel went to childcare and I resumed work. Juan was
deployed sometimes when I was pregnant. We knew that
it would be a challenge as far as childcare after
Angel got a little bit older because I knew that Juan
would be doing a lot for his unit—he was in
a rapid deployment unit.
How did you cope at first?
My unit was very supportive any time I had childcare
issues. Juan would be gone a couple of weeks sometimes,
but my unit completely supported me. They gave me
time to go visit Angel in childcare because he was
so young. Juan’s unit tried to give him as much
time as they could. When Angel was born, he was there
for the delivery; he was able to take some time off
after…
So, it seemed like you
both had everything under control—when Alexi
came along did anything change?
Alexi was born in Italy in June 2001. [M]y parents
were very supportive. They flew to Italy. They got
there the day after Alexi was born. They stayed 30
days with us. In Italy, I was in a rapid deployment
unit. Juan was out [of the military by then], he was
working with child youth services [for American military
families stationed in Italy]. So, that was a lot harder
for me. I was the one who was leaving and the kids
were staying with Juan. That’s when things started
to get a little bit crazy as far as me serving in
the military.
I’m worried about my children’s development…
Unfortunately for Angel, he had been used to me having
to leave, but I always came back [in a short period
of time]. But now…
How does it feel to be
in Iraq while your kids grow up with your mom and
dad?
This is the longest I’ve ever been deployed—for
a year—but when I was in Italy, my first time
away from Angel was when he was four months old. I
remember we would load up on these buses and we would
drive away. I remember the first time that we left
and looking out the window of the bus, seeing Angel
clinging to his dad just crying. It broke my heart.
It was for a month, but the month seemed like a year.
Children, when they’re young, that’s
when they’re most influenced and learn everything
from their parents. I’m always concerned. Even
now, I’m always worried. I’m from the
South, so I know they're eating good. (laughs). I’m
not worried about that. But for Angel, though, with
the whole homework thing, I think, ‘Is Mom staying
on top of his studies?’ ‘Is she teaching
Alexi manners?’ I know my mom is giving them
what they need, but, of course, I worry about it.
Does Angel understand why
you have to be away?
Angel understands a little. He knows that I’m
at work. He knows that I have to be away for a while.
He does understand that I’m coming back…
Alexi, when you ask her, ‘Where’s your
mom?’ She says ‘Iraq.’ It’s
really cute.
I explained to Angel before I left that I had to
go away, that I was going to be away for a long time.
That I was going to the desert. I actually pulled
out a map and showed him that this is where we are
right now, and then this is where mommy’s going.
I tried to explain to him that I had to go take care
of some ‘bad guys.’ I tried to explain
to him at his level what I have to do…
Has he expressed his emotions?
His class made some Thanksgiving cards last year.
In Angel’s card, he wrote, ‘I just want
you to come home and be safe.’ Really, when
we talk on the phone, he never mentions that he’s
worried about me. But in his letter, it came out.
He wanted me to be safe, he just wanted me to come
home to take walks, go to the park, and go to church.
To just be a family again.
So I talked to my mom about it and she said that
he’d been having a really hard time. But she
hadn’t wanted to say anything to make me worry.
I kind of felt the totally opposite effect. I wish
that she would have told me, so I could talk to him
and try to help him understand that we’re going
to be OK. I always try to reassure him. I can’t
hug him when he’s feeling bad, but I try to
let him know over the phone that I’m OK. I tell
him I’ll be home soon. That helps his spirits
up, but it just kills me inside.
Have you ever questioned
if it is worth serving your country to have to be
away from your kids?
This deployment has really made me question things.
I’m thinking to myself, ‘Why am I doing
this?’ I need to be at home raising my kids.
I know I have an influence on them, but it is not
the same. I’m actually up for re-enlistment
right now, so the thought of re-enlisting and going
through this again is a big burden. I would definitely
pick my family over the military if it came down to
it.
In my unit, most of the others are singles or married
with no children. I was talking to a friend, her name
is Sergeant Jackson, about how I hate being away from
the kids for so long and how I miss the little hugs,
the little giggles… We both definitely agree
that a year is too long.
How has your own experience
been in Iraq?
When we captured Saddam, the majority became hostile.
Not so much in our area because they’ve always
gotten support from us. But I travel every Monday
to Baghdad. We’re not really getting ‘attacked’
more, but they do try to blow us up with IEDs (improvised
explosive devices) every time we drive. They set them
out on the side of the road. That has increased. Their
attitude now is starting to soften up a little bit.
I think now that they just know that we’re trying
to help them rebuild, they’re starting to understand
a lot more.
Do you ever think about
what would happen to your children if something bad
were to happen to you?
That actually is very hard. Sometimes I tease [Juan]
and he gets very aggravated by it. I’ll be like,
‘If I blow up today, make sure you take good
care of the kids.’ He’s like, ‘Why
do you have to say it like that?’ Well, I say,
it’s something where we have to face that reality.
It’s very hard for him to hear me talk like
that. I know it’s hard for him, but it’s
twice as hard for me. I’ll be leaving my whole
life behind if something does happen to me. There’s
no easy way to deal with this.
Have you interacted with
any Iraqi children?
Actually, today, I went up about 45 minutes north
to another operating base. On the way coming back,
we pulled over on a dirt road off of the main supply
route. We did a little humanitarian mission [for Iraqi
children]. We gave them some personal hygiene bags.
I had some Valentine’s candy, and I said to
myself, ‘You know, I’m going to be home
in like a month, so I’m just gonna give these
kids this candy.’ I can buy all the candy I
want when I get home.
I carry pictures of my kids in my Kevlar, and so
I took my Kevlar off to show them. They realized I
was a woman, and they were amazed. I showed them a
picture of my kids and a family photo and they were
kissing the pictures. Their mother was there—she
had six children… Also, in the area where I
work, we support the local families with medical attention
and there are always children that come in. I can’t
help but think of Angel and Alexi back home. I miss
my babies…
Do you think that families
with children should be stationed abroad?
It’s something that I chose to do, and I have
to live with the consequences of being a mother in
the military. I do not like having to be away from
my children. I know that the time away will not compare
to the time we are together.
I definitely think it would make it harder for the
single soldiers or the soldiers without families because
then they’d be forced to go overseas—as
opposed to giving the option to only married couples
with children to stay stateside. But I do think that
stability would be the greatest thing… At least
until my children are old enough to understand, I
think I should be stabilized.
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