March 15, 2004

Sergeant Roberta Martinez in Iraq.

Sergeant Roberta Martinez, 27, is a communications support specialist with a U.S. Army police battalion stationed in the Iraq countryside. She's helping the country recover from the aftershocks of war. She takes part in dangerous humanitarian missions. She sees explosive devices placed on the side of the road, meant to kill her. And she's the mother of two young kids.

Martinez began her service in January 1995, soon after graduating from high school. Throughout the late 1990s, her military experience was exciting: she met her husband, Juan, started a family, and served her country both stateside and in Germany and Italy.

In the months leading up to her deployment date on March 18, 2003, the Martinez family had some difficult decisions to make involving their children Angel, now 7, and Alexi, now 2. Juan Martinez was no longer in the military, but for financial reasons accepted a job in Washington state, nearly two thousand miles from the Fort Polk, Louisiana military base where Roberta was stationed. Roberta's parents, Alicia and Robert Trahan, were able to step in—Angel and Alexi now live with them in Lafayette, two hours from Fort Polk.

Even though Martinez faces life-and-death situations every day, her kids remain at the top of her list of concerns. She's able to make a few personal calls each week to check up on the kids, her parents and her husband. As she finished her first full year of service in Iraq, she dialed up Connect for Kids to share her feelings.

Was it a difficult decision for you and Juan to have kids while serving in the military?

We had Angel when we were stationed at Fort Polk, LA in 1996. We were both active duty when we had Angel. I was in a pretty stable unit, so I knew that it wouldn't be a problem for me. I went through the whole pregnancy and then had a six-week break after he was born. Then, Angel went to childcare and I resumed work. Juan was deployed sometimes when I was pregnant. We knew that it would be a challenge as far as childcare after Angel got a little bit older because I knew that Juan would be doing a lot for his unit—he was in a rapid deployment unit.

How did you cope at first?

My unit was very supportive any time I had childcare issues. Juan would be gone a couple of weeks sometimes, but my unit completely supported me. They gave me time to go visit Angel in childcare because he was so young. Juan's unit tried to give him as much time as they could. When Angel was born, he was there for the delivery; he was able to take some time off after.

So, it seemed like you both had everything under control—when Alexi came along did anything change?

Alexi was born in Italy in June 2001. [M]y parents were very supportive. They flew to Italy. They got there the day after Alexi was born. They stayed 30 days with us. In Italy, I was in a rapid deployment unit. Juan was out [of the military by then], he was working with child youth services [for American military families stationed in Italy]. So, that was a lot harder for me. I was the one who was leaving and the kids were staying with Juan. That's when things started to get a little bit crazy as far as me serving in the military.

I'm worried about my children's development. Unfortunately for Angel, he had been used to me having to leave, but I always came back [in a short period of time]. But now

How does it feel to be in Iraq while your kids grow up with your mom and dad?

This is the longest I've ever been deployed—for a year—but when I was in Italy, my first time away from Angel was when he was four months old. I remember we would load up on these buses and we would drive away. I remember the first time that we left and looking out the window of the bus, seeing Angel clinging to his dad just crying. It broke my heart. It was for a month, but the month seemed like a year.

Children, when they're young, that's when they're most influenced and learn everything from their parents. I'm always concerned. Even now, I'm always worried. I'm from the South, so I know they're eating good. (laughs). I'm not worried about that. But for Angel, though, with the whole homework thing, I think, "Is Mom staying on top of his studies?" "Is she teaching Alexi manners?" I know my mom is giving them what they need, but, of course, I worry about it.

Does Angel understand why you have to be away?

Angel understands a little. He knows that I'm at work. He knows that I have to be away for a while. He does understand that I'm coming back— Alexi, when you ask her, "Where's your mom?" She says "Iraq." It's really cute.

I explained to Angel before I left that I had to go away, that I was going to be away for a long time. That I was going to the desert. I actually pulled out a map and showed him that this is where we are right now, and then this is where mommy's going. I tried to explain to him that I had to go take care of some "bad guys." I tried to explain to him at his level what I have to do.

Has he expressed his emotions?

His class made some Thanksgiving cards last year. In Angel's card, he wrote, "I just want you to come home and be safe." Really, when we talk on the phone, he never mentions that he's worried about me. But in his letter, it came out. He wanted me to be safe, he just wanted me to come home to take walks, go to the park, and go to church. To just be a family again.

So I talked to my mom about it and she said that he'd been having a really hard time. But she hadn't wanted to say anything to make me worry. I kind of felt the totally opposite effect. I wish that she would have told me, so I could talk to him and try to help him understand that we're going to be OK. I always try to reassure him. I can't hug him when he's feeling bad, but I try to let him know over the phone that I'm OK. I tell him I'll be home soon. That helps his spirits up, but it just kills me inside.

Have you ever questioned if it is worth serving your country to have to be away from your kids?

This deployment has really made me question things. I'm thinking to myself, "Why am I doing this?" I need to be at home raising my kids. I know I have an influence on them, but it is not the same. I'm actually up for re-enlistment right now, so the thought of re-enlisting and going through this again is a big burden. I would definitely pick my family over the military if it came down to it.

In my unit, most of the others are singles or married with no children. I was talking to a friend, her name is Sergeant Jackson, about how I hate being away from the kids for so long and how I miss the little hugs, the little giggles. We both definitely agree that a year is too long.

How has your own experience been in Iraq?

When we captured Saddam, the majority became hostile. Not so much in our area because they've always gotten support from us. But I travel every Monday to Baghdad. We're not really getting "attacked" more, but they do try to blow us up with IEDs (improvised explosive devices) every time we drive. They set them out on the side of the road. That has increased. Their attitude now is starting to soften up a little bit. I think now that they just know that we're trying to help them rebuild, they're starting to understand a lot more.

Do you ever think about what would happen to your children if something bad were to happen to you?

That actually is very hard. Sometimes I tease [Juan] and he gets very aggravated by it. I'll be like, "If I blow up today, make sure you take good care of the kids." He's like, "Why do you have to say it like that?" Well, I say, it's something where we have to face that reality. It's very hard for him to hear me talk like that. I know it's hard for him, but it's twice as hard for me. I'll be leaving my whole life behind if something does happen to me. There's no easy way to deal with this.

Have you interacted with any Iraqi children?

Actually, today, I went up about 45 minutes north to another operating base. On the way coming back, we pulled over on a dirt road off of the main supply route. We did a little humanitarian mission [for Iraqi children]. We gave them some personal hygiene bags. I had some Valentine's candy, and I said to myself, "You know, I'm going to be home in like a month, so I'm just gonna give these kids this candy." I can buy all the candy I want when I get home.

I carry pictures of my kids in my Kevlar, and so I took my Kevlar off to show them. They realized I was a woman, and they were amazed. I showed them a picture of my kids and a family photo and they were kissing the pictures. Their mother was there—she had six children. Also, in the area where I work, we support the local families with medical attention and there are always children that come in. I can't help but think of Angel and Alexi back home. I miss my babies.

Do you think that families with children should be stationed abroad?

It's something that I chose to do, and I have to live with the consequences of being a mother in the military. I do not like having to be away from my children. I know that the time away will not compare to the time we are together.

I definitely think it would make it harder for the single soldiers or the soldiers without families because then they'd be forced to go overseas—as opposed to giving the option to only married couples with children to stay stateside. But I do think that stability would be the greatest thing. At least until my children are old enough to understand, I think I should be stabilized.

Resource:

• Visit our Help with the Healing on the Web. [1]

Rob Capriccioso is a staff writer for Connect for Kids.