For almost a year now, Angel and his two-year-old sister Alexi have been living with their grandparents, with only phone calls to keep them connected with their mom. Though grandma Alicia Trahan has been through lots of ups and downs with both children, she's happy to be spending this time with them. "It's like raising their mama all over again," says Trahan. "We've gone through removing the bottle and potty training,"

She helps the kids write letters, send emails and care packages, but they can't contact their mother directly via telephone. They have to wait until she's able to call them.

For Angel, it hasn't been easy, even with lots of family support.

"He's kind of held it in," says Trahan. "When you hear things on the news that soldiers have been killed or there has been a bombing, it's really scary until we hear something from her that she's OK."

"I had Angel go through some counseling at school," she says. "We actually called the [local] Reserve to try to find out if there was a support group or something, and we didn't get any word back from them."

Military Support
Military families often find that they need help coping.

"I think it's important to have programs for families and children and that is why the Department of Defense has invested heavily in quality of life programs," says Ruth Mufhallo, a director of family services at the Marine Corps Air Station Miramar in California for the past 20 years. "These include youth programs as well as counseling and family advocacy programs."

The Miramar base, for example, has the only accredited youth center in all of the Marine Corps.

In preparation for the original deployment to Iraq in 2003, Miramar's professional counseling staff made trips out to local schools with large populations of military kids. They talked to educators and school administrators about the challenges faced by children of military parents, particularly those who are deployed.

"That worked very well for us," says Mufhallo. "In fact, one of the school personnel from a neighboring school district came to our counseling center a couple of weeks ago and said that she's going to do a support group for children whose parents are deployed because the one she did the first time was so successful."

Miramar also provides counseling resources to teachers and parents who request them. The materials include coloring books for children and suggestions for parents on talking to kids about their parents being gone.

"We have a very strong partnership with parents, children, school personnel and childcare professionals," says Mufhallo. "Everyone here acknowledges that it takes a special kind of strength to be a military family long-term."

Building Partnerships
Family service coordinators and counselors on military bases are increasingly reaching out to private organizations and clubs to develop support programs for military children. The Marine Corps recently announced a new partnership with the Boys and Girls Clubs of America to provide homework help. And some military bases are working with 4-H and the Flags Across the Nation organization to encourage physical activity and civic engagement.

Another resource is the National Family Military Association. The organization is dedicated to serving military families through education, information and advocacy. It's trying to get kids and adults excited about summer camps for military children this year.

Association coordinators are currently soliciting proposals from anyone interested in hosting a youth camp for military kids or having an existing camp funded for this purpose during summer 2004. The hope is that kids will be able to have fun while interacting with understanding peers.

Daddy Dearest
The National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI) is also working to connect military families. The initiative has developed a program guide for military families intended to educate families about ways they can stay strong during deployment.

The guide is meant to teach military units and their families how to prepare for and adjust to the changes associated with dad being gone. Communication skills are emphasized because NFI thinks it's important for dads to be able to explain their feelings to kids.

It has also created the Drop Dad a Line program, which started after U.S. troops were deployed to Iraq in March 2003. The project gives children an opportunity to send their military dad an e-mail message that can also be posted on the NFI Web site for the public to see. When parents retrieve their message, they also get a link that directs them to the Tips for Deployed Dads section of the Web site. The tips offer suggestions on how to stay connected with their families while they are deployed.

Any tips for deployed moms? "Our focus is on helping children keep in connection to their father because they need that guidance," says Vincent DiCaro, NFI Public Affairs Manager. "But the guide can certainly be used by a family where a mom is going to be deployed. The tips are pretty univeral."

An ARTS participant drawing.

Healing Arts
Do paints, mosaics and murals have a place in helping military kids cope?

Both Camp Pendleton and the Miramar bases in California work with the non-profit San Diego-based ARTS: A Reason to Survive. ARTS has worked to create programs that allow children and teens with parents in the military to express themselves through the arts.

"ARTS provides free programs for children facing adversity," explain Executive Director Matt D'Arrigo, who started the program 2 years ago. "In San Diego we definitely saw this need on the military bases for what we do."

Once the war started last March, youth coordinators at Camp Pendleton contacted ARTS, saying that many kids were having a hard time expressing themselves and dealing with their parents leaving.

"We went in, and offered the kids a variety of mediums to express themselves through the arts," says D'Arrigo. "One girl painted a picture of her praying by her bed. She was then able to write down her feelings. It's really sad, but it's really intense. It's the reality of the situation."

Kids are also given the opportunity to write about their pictures. ARTS and military support staff are then able to help them talk about their feelings. "The arts are great vehicles to open up dialogue about the feelings they are having," says D'Arrigo.

Throughout the past year, ARTS has held sessions with military kids who range in age from seven to thirteen. Program organizers are going to begin a mural project with Miramar this spring. The intent is to build teamwork, self-esteem and give kids a sense of what community and unity mean.

But even for those kids who have had the benefits of counseling services and support programs, they know what will make them feel best: Says Donnamae Stafill, 8, a participant in the ARTS program: "I hope that all of the Marines in Iraq will come home very, very safely!"

Angel agrees. His mom is scheduled to return stateside later this month.

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